|'Secret Of The Sea'|
A few months ago, someone made some odd comments on a drawing I had posted to an art group on FB. It turned out that it was based on his assumption that because the figure was white, it was a ghost.
Umm. Nope. Just a charcoal drawing.
I'd never even considered the concept... and no one had ever mistaken my drawings for dead people before either, so I was a bit surprised.
But that being said, creating images of mysterious looking figures wouldn't be far off from actually doing 'ghost' drawings.
I do use figure reference photos, but most of the time once I reach a certain point, I do like to move away from the original photo and allow the 'character' of my drawing show me who it wants to be.
Freyja was a good example.
She altered and shifted before my very eyes into a person that to this day feels like I channelled her onto the paper.
I just kept covering the paper in charcoal and rubbing bits out... she just appeared.
I wish it could be like that every time.
|'Freyja - The sight'|
Drawing the supernatural has been on my mind again just this week. In fact I have a few things taking shape in my head, and in my sketchbook.
Not necessarily 'ghosts', but things related to the supernatural and paranormal, which has always been an interest of mine.
Its an interest that tends to go dormant for a while, before returning with a passion and making me wonder why I forgot about it.
This time it has re-surfaced with the Halloween Special of Most Haunted. (UK Paranormal investigation team)
I have complicated beliefs which I rarely like to explain, as everyone has a different perception of the 'metaphysical' .
Mine has been shaped over the years by my own research and experience in all parts of life. (Not just the supernatural/ ghostly areas).
The energy which creates this world is easily tapped into, and with regards to ghosts, I believe that that its just a form of energy which we can 'tap' into.
It will respond to us because we are all connected. But not all ghosts are 'dead' people. My Husband had his own experience of this being true while working at an old manor house this year.
At night he would hear whispering outside his door, and his name would be called when there was noone else in the room.
The sounds of a group of people talking were heard in the grounds and yet... no one was there.
The stories told by the owner, make it seem as though this house has such strong energies, that it 'records' moments and replays them.
Surely thats the only explanation for seeing 'ghosts' of people who are still alive... a fact I find really interesting.
I have had supernatural events occur throughout my life, right from birth it would seem. One story my Mum tells is of how I was crying in my cot one day when suddenly I fell silent. Mum found me playing happily on the floor when she came up to see why. No possible way I had gotten out by myself.
Sadly I was too young to recall my 'helper'. :)
I have numerous memories of night terrors and being afraid to sleep.
Events which stick in my mind such as seeing 'fingers' appearing round the edge of my half closed door as if some strange 'long fingered' being was threatening to push the door open & come in.
As I began to realise that my fears would not be taken seriously I think I just accepted odd occurrences in silence most of the time.
As I lay in my bed one night I watched a board game pushed from the top of my wardrobe.
I don't remember being afraid. Just curious.
I developed a fascination for the night sky. It was so beautiful and huge... I would lean over the edge of my cabin bed (It had a ladder to reach it with a wardrobe and desk below) to balance on the windowsill and peer out, long after I was meant to be asleep, and stare up at the stars.
One night I looked up and half hidden by a large tree I thought I could see the moon. A huge glowing orb directly opposite, above the car park.
I moved away from the window but aware that something didn't seem quite right I returned for another look... expecting to see the 'moon' where it had previously been.
It had vanished.
Looking around, I found it... now it was far to my left, almost behind the house entirely.
That night I practically flew back into my bed and didnt come out from beneath the covers again until morning.
At some point (I don't know if it was before or after the 'moon' event) I started having recurring nightmares.
In one nightmare I was in my Primary School classroom (which had lots of windows looking out onto a courtyard area). I'd look outside to see huge fireballs coming down from the sky like raindrops.
As if that wasn't frightening enough, the other one would see me up at windowsill for my nightly sky watch & above the houses I would see lights form above the clouds and gradually a fleet of spacecraft would emerge and fly in a line across the houses while I cowered in fear.
In fact I've seen numerous sci fi movies in the last 10 years that have special effects that look exactly like that dream.
I was in primary school at the time remember... and wasn't allowed to watch scarey TV. Plus this was more than 30 years ago. lol
So what came next?
I have never been a good sleeper. Long after lights out I would be reading books or whispering through the paper thin wall to my Brother.
But then I began waking up with a start in the early hours to lay there in the silence feeling that something was odd. Then I would hear a noise from downstairs. Drawers opening. Chairs scraping on the floor.
Heart pounding I leaned over the banisters to see if I could figure out what was happening. Knowing that it wasn't my parents.
The first few times it happened I crept into my parents bedroom and told them I could hear someone downstairs.
Dad would shoot like rocket off to see and return with a grumble. There's noone there. You must have heard the milkman doing his rounds.
It wasn't the bloody milkman.
Night after night it happened. Now I was too afraid to tell my parents because I kept getting told off for waking them, so I'd hear the first chair scrapings and door closing and all I could do was lie under my covers and hold my breath.
Sweating and terrified that whoever was downstairs was going to know I was awake and come and get me.
Sometimes I would hear and sense that someone was on the landing outside my bedroom and was opening my door.
When I was brave enough to peek... the door was closed.
I also recall trying to prove to myself that there really was a rational source of the noises... I would lean over the banisters and hold my breath to listen to intently.
I never managed to convince myself that a person was not in the kitchen moving things around.
I don't know what age I was, but I remember getting a walkman. My amazing cassette player and headphones, along with some story tapes including 'Wurzel Gummidge' & a story called 'Riders at Black Pony Inn'.
The latter was my favourite and I listened to it all the time.
Especially when I would be afraid in bed.
I'd begun to dread bedtime, and tried so hard to be asleep by the time I heard my Parents switching off the lights and coming up to bed.
But I knew the weirdness would start once all was silent. The creepy sense of unease and the odd noises.
The walkman was my saviour. Sometimes I would be able to listen to it, hidden away under the duvet, and drift off to sleep with the comforting sound of Lesley Judd's voice and the 'doo doo doooo dooooo' of the cheery intro music, and I could block out the horrible creepy atmosphere beyond.
Times when 'Riders' didn't work there was always the radio. The lovely warm red light that blinked out from the the front of the walkman as I tuned it to the radio.
Voices were the best... it was probably radio 4 or something. Late night chat which I didn't take any notice of, I just wanted some comfort from their voices.
When I was old enough to have a TV, that was a substitute for the Walkman.
For most of my teens I could only fall alseep with the TV on. Even if it it was turned down so low I could barely hear it.
Sometimes I would turn the brightness down low as well. Turning it off entirely was always a mistake.
Most of the paranormal activity was 'outside' of my bedroom. Which I guess I discovered when my Brother & I became old enough to stay up 'after' my Parents went to bed.
I would often be on the phone to my best friend, either sitting in the hall, or the lounge, and the 'scarey kitchen ghost' would arrive to send me scuttling back up to my bedroom.
Was it him I could hear as a child? I don't know, but his presence was always announced with that awful sensation of fear.
My back would prickle and the hair would stand up on my arms, and a feeling of utter dread would have me cringing in the corner whispering to my best friend "OMG... He's HERE... I have to go!"
I literally couldnt stay downstairs when he arrived.
In my minds eye I could see him.. a big hulking man with a face locked into an ugly scream.
He would pace the length of the kitchen and I never wanted him to see me.
Walking up the stairs was an experience in itself. And one that could catch you at any time of the day or night.
Have you ever had that feeling that something is behind you?
Well all of a sudden you would put one foot on that bottom stair and be frozen in fear... back crawling...and a total inability to run.
When that happened I would walk slowly up the stairs... cringing at the presence behind me.
My bedroom was the first one at the top of the stairs, so I'd open my door a crack and slide in, slamming it behind me so nothing could follow.
One time I recall being sat on my bed, the door was to my right, and open so I could see the banisters by the top few stairs directly opposite.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of blue behind the banisters. As though something was coming quickly up the stairs.
I brushed it off and turned back to my magazine.
I then saw a flash of blue 'in front' of the banisters & with a speedy reflex I muttered "Oh no you don't... " & kicked my bedroom shut.
By this time it was normal activity for me.
Living with the energies of that house had become 'normal' and yet fairly terrifying on a daily basis.
The sounds of footsteps on a carpet. You know that one right ?
I heard that quite often up and down our landing.
I was never entirely sure if that was my Grandad though. He died in our house when I young. He was suffering from cancer and so my Grandparents came to live with us for a while.
I never found his death scarey. There were only a few occasions when I would be standing at the window in my Parents bedroom (where he died) & get that odd sensation that I was being watched.
One night as teens, my Brother & I were both in bed. We'd been talking to eachother (the walls are thin in 70's council houses, & the rooms are tiny) when I became aware of a tapping on the wall by my head.
Both of our beds were in the same position in our rooms, due to their size. We were on opposite sides of the dividing wall with heads against the exterior brick, wall.
It was as though someone were tapping the wall with a pencil.
One of us (I cant remember who said it first) said 'Will you stop tapping!' (It was probably me who said it actually...lol)
To which the other replied 'Its not me'.
The tapping continued. As did our 'Stop it' conversations... until we realised that 'neither' of us were in fact tapping.
My Brother refused to talk about it after that. He always refused to entertain any idea that was remotely 'creepy' or spooky.
It was with my Brother that I witnessed my next 'UFO'. We were playing computer games in his bedroom one evening & while awaiting his turn he was at the window and suddenly calls me over.
We watched some strange white lights perform acrobatics in the sky. Moving unlike anything we'd seen before.
One of them appeared to get brighter and bigger & in a slightly concerned voice I said "... its coming towards us!!!"
To which my Brother replied "No it f****** isn't"
While he dragged me out of the way, slammed shut the window & drew the curtains. LOL
He has refused point blank to ever talk about it again.
plural noun: poltergeists
Thats what I called it when things in my bedroom began moving about.
It didn't feel nasty like the energies elsewhere in the house, but it liked to make me shout before school in the morning by hiding my hairbrush.
(no, it wasn't my Brother. Bedroom door always firmly shut)
Black hairbrush on my bed... I turn to my mirror.. turn to pick up the brush and its gone.
Spend 10 minutes hunting for hairbrush. Turn round and it's back on the bed.
Not every day, but it happened frequently enough for me see it had gone & start shouting "OK...Give it back you ******* *******"
The remote control... which was also black, and a similar size, was another favourite for play time.
Friends who stayed over also reported seeing things. But my family totally ignored me if I mentioned anything.
Maybe they genuinely never noticed anything, but I never felt like they believed me so I didn't talk about it anyway.
I don't recall seeing much outside home, except at my best friend's house.
'Hot areas' would appear on my back when sitting in her room, for no apparent reason.
Like a cold spot... but it was boiling hot. As though I had been leaning against a radiator.
We watched her cat chase an invisible creature around her bedroom until it apparently disappeared under the door and the cat followed it's every move.
The same cat also sat in the middle of the room looking at something, then it acted as though someone was stroking it's head. The cat went all squinty eyed and blissfully slumped while looking up at 'nothing'.
Our hair would get pulled frequently. Sharp painful tugs that made us leap up in annoyance.
We also managed to catch some strange anomaly on her camcorder. Something white whizzing past the camera, while I was looking straight at her, that we originally thought was her thumb in the way. But no matter how hard we tried to recreate that anomaly, we could never do it.
when I was at college. (Age 19)
I started seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye, and sensing people walking past when no one had been there.
It was around this time I begun to find out more about the metaphysical world. I found that I could receive images from doing psychometry, and had become interested in tarot.
I started practising meditation and wanted to explore and evolve my natural talents now I'd found people who also believed in, and experienced what I had grown up with.
Not long after college, I moved out of home. It was a tough couple of years but I ended up meeting and moving in with the man I later married.
He owned a lovely big Victorian terraced home, which should have been full of ghostly things.
But it wasn't.
It was silent and peaceful. And I realised that the daily harassment of noises and creepy sensations was a HORRIBLE way to live! Who knew!!
I lived there, ghost free, for about 8 years. Then we moved. Again, no real activity. 6 years later we moved into a house I knew I didn't want to live in.
No matter how it looked on paper.
The day we moved in it just didnt feel right. I was working full time, so thankfully I could leave it each day.
Nothing was right about it.
It was an old Inn. Probably dating right back to the 15th century it had been altered and added to over the decades. It had been left with a wonderful higgledy piggeldy interior with sloping old oak floorboards , open fireplaces and original oak panelled walls.
Exactly the sort of place you would expect me to love. Well my spidey senses told me otherwise.
Even knowing its age and how it looked inside (it was in need of TLC and lots of paint mind you...) I said that it just wasn't right.
Well, it turned out that I didn't really have any choice at the time. We needed to move urgently (Landlord needed his house back) and having a dog it's not easy to find rental properties.
The Landlord of the new property had also specified that he WANTED his tenants to have a dog.
And so our Basset Hound was welcome there.
She adored the place. She ran all over it and claimed her room. Then plonked herself down at the top of the stairs where she could survey the whole place.
It was a dog house. We had a feeling that Nimh was playing with all the 'other' dogs there many times.
Sadly for us, we as humans were not welcome.
My first week there was uncomfortable. Despite being a much larger house than our previous one, none of our furniture seemed to fit properly anywhere. It all looked wrong and felt awkward, when it should have been perfect for a period property.
The rooms felt harsh and unfriendly.
I felt as though insects were crawling on me all the time. Not actual insects, but the the sensation of having something buzzing around my head and face constantly.
It was stifling and unbearable.
We had chosen to sleep in the smaller back bedroom as it was away from the busy main road. It was a pretty room, with white rough walls and part of the old fireplace left between the new plastering.
I slept like the dead that first night as I was exhausted, but I don't think I ever got a full night's sleep in that house again.
It seemed as though every noise was amplified. I have never been a jumpy person, and I've lived with floorboards and beams and quirky old houses before, but here I was on edge all the time.
I kept hearing a creature scratching at the roof above our bed.
My Husband banged on the ceiling and it stopped.
Night after night I would hear it. Was it a seagull? Was it a cat? I could never find it.
My Husband even went looking for rats in the loft space, but there actually was no 'loft' or attic above that part of the house anyway.
I started having odd dreams in which I found a doorway into the chimney and it was a tunnel that took me up so high I could see the sea from the top.
I was beginning to feel that the weird energy was at it's strongest around this fireplace/chimney. Like a vortex or a portal.
I managed to make my art studio in a room on the other side of the house, at the back overlooking the garden.
It was the most peaceful spot I could find and so I claimed it. When I wasn't out at work I spent every minute I could in there with the door shut.
I did lots of meditation in there.
As a consequence of various factors keeping me from sleep, I developed chronic insomnia.
Now I've never found it easy to get to sleep (hardly surprising really) but I've never had proper insomnia before.
It was miserable. I had hit rock bottom the night I gave up on sleep altogether by 3.30am and watched movies until it was time for me to go to work at 6.40am.
I am not one of these people who can exist on a few hours sleep a night. I really do need my 8 hours or I am a zombie.
I was trying all sorts of ways to fix it. I was managing about 3 or 4 hours at best. I was desperate.
The large bedroom at the front of the house was used mainly as a storage/ spare bedroom because when we'd moved in it needed re-painting and work done on the window, plus it was next to a busy main road.
But it had carpet ... and now the window was fixed... and maybe I could get some heavy curtains and furnish it to help muffle the sound.
Like I said, I was desperate.
We re-painted the walls and over that Christmas I moved our things into the new bedroom. It was still noisy from the road and the drunks shouting as they came past after pub closing but the buzzing insect vibes seemed a little bit further away. Not gone... but not quite able to reach me here.
I had my best night's sleep since we'd moved.
Now my head was a bit clearer I was realising that the energy was radiating from that old bedroom & it seemed to stop just before it reached our new room.
It was almost like you had a really annoying buzzing or whistling around your head constantly, then one day it moves off and you realise that you'd been so used to it being there.
Now just this week I've been watching Most Haunted shows on youtube and other paranormal investigation shows, and I heard a few people reference the 'insect' vibe and a few other things that I described in our house, that I'd not heard before.
One of which is a 'heaviness' of the atmosphere, or a mist that seems to hang in the room making it look 'hazy' or fuzzy.
I noticed in that house, sometimes certain rooms looked 'foggy'.
Actually visibly cloudy to the eye.
It wasn't all the time, but I started to notice it and be aware. At the time I wasn't sure what it was, but now I'm wondering if it was more closely linked to spirit energy of some sort.
Having seen what they capture on Paranormal Lockdown shows I guess I should be glad I didn't know back then.
I never saw what I would term 'a ghost', but I sometimes had a strange sense that someone was standing in the garden facing the house.
It would have originally been part of a 'driveway' of sorts. Our hallway had original cobblestones from when a driveway was set through the centre of the building for horse & carts.
We lived there for about 2 years. It wasn't a happy time for us, and it included our lovely Nimh getting ill and dying from cancer.
Maybe the other dogs wanted her to stay. At least she seemed happy to be there with them.
And so we moved from Cornwall... to this imperfect house on another busy main road in Lincolnshire. But the energy is so different. In spite of the things that I don't like here, the house is kind and friendly.
I feel safe and I do remember to stop and say thank you... and apologise for my complaints.
I had tried speaking to the old house... but maybe it just didn't want anyone there.
My Parents still live in the same house I grew up in. I went back to stay there by myself a few years ago. I didn't get a wink of sleep with all the noises... and a day later I packed up and ran off to stay with a friend for the rest of my visit.